There is a time in everyone's life where you just stop and take the brunt of the truth right to the chin and accept it for what it is. I'm having more of a difficulty with the accepting part than I thought I would have with the impact of the truth. Think back, as far as possible, to that time in your life where you remember being foolish enough to believe in love. Now, think of where you stand on that issue, today. For most of you, it's probably not as immature of an understanding as before, but it still holds the same amount of weight. As I grew older and more experienced, I found, truthfully, that love is an illusion that we show to ourselves in order to feel some sort of connectivity with the world that surrounds us. The reality of the situation is, we might care about someone (their feelings, their desires, etc), we might WANT to be with them and around them and WANT them to feel the same about us. But, we don't NEED them. No one really NEEDS someone else in their life. If they leave, you will go on breathing, eating and sleeping (maybe not as much as usual; but, you won't quit doing it). You might feel "pain" and become "emotionally distraught". But, ultimately, you will go on. This is something I've been constantly reminded up, most bitterly, throughout my life.

When you're young and inexperienced in the world, you hold onto your dreams, with both hands, and pray for them, some day, to come into being. As you progress mentally and emotionally, you realize that, dreams are exactly that because they aren't obtainable in reality. If they were (or you end up accomplishing them), then, they aren't dreams. They're goals. Dreams are random, subconcious thought processes; synaptic ferris wheels, if you will. They, electronically, spin 'round and 'round in your brain, while you slumber, mostly because you didn't address their bases while you were awake. Most of the time, you don't address them because they don't seem important at that moment. So, why, then, is it that our dreams become so important for us after we wake? Why do we work so hard to achieve our mindless desires, only to be given no such allowance?

Raise your hand if you're tired of doing the same, monotonous thing everyday and you want a break from reality. Good. So do I. The problem is, when you walk the same circle as many times as I have, you start to dig a circular hole for yourself. Eventually, you realize that the reason you can't get out of the hole is because you keep walking it deeper in the same direction you've been going from the get-go. I have felt, for a few years now, that it would definitely be in my best interests to STOP walking that horrid, undesired circle; stop expecting the best from my life and, simply, go obtain it for myself. You can only go around in circles for so long, before the sheer idiocity of you continually doing so dizzies you into your unison with your spherical conundrum. I'm tired of making the same mistakes. I refuse to procrastinate myself any further into this miry, laughable excuse for an existence, by allowing myself to hold onto past occurences that hold on prevelence to, neither, the present or my future.

And, so, I have decided, the best course of direction, is redirection. No more of this anonymital life of mine. No more broken heart, no more self-induced misery, no more desires for worthless things like love and a sense of completion in it; only some good, old-fashioned, God's honest truth. And, the truth be told, there is NO love in this world for me, besides the love I make for myself. So, I guess I'll get right on it...circle number 75 and counting...